I should be banned from the blog world. Seriously. It's obviously been a while since I last blogged, and believe it or not, I actually have accomplished more items on my list (I'll update with pictures on a different post). Some were finished in the year of 31, which I am okay with and hope you are too.
For all of those who do keep up with my blog (hi, mom!), I wanted to let you know that I am going to TRY and keep up with it. But it will look a little different this year. The year of 30 is over, and it was fun, even though I didn't quite get to all my adventures. Don't worry, I am sure there will be plenty more unplanned adventures to come. Unfortunately, this blog may not be about the fun and exciting things I will be doing this year, instead I am going to use it as an outlet to write about the things I am going through, the things God is teaching me and my thoughts on life. I hope to constantly declare the greatness of my God, but there may be days filled with sadness and moments that get real and honest. Despite those days, God is still good.
I was recently diagnosed with Stage 4 Endometriosis. In order not to make people too uncomfortable, I won't go into a lot of detail — it's female stuff, but feel free to learn more about it on your own. Last month I went in for some pain and problems I was having and had an ultrasound done. The doctor saw a tumor (benign, praise the Lord), but He wasn't sure what it was just that it needed to come out. Simple enough, go in, get it, all done. But when he got into surgery he was quite shocked to see that I had endometriomas covering both ovaries, fallopian tubes, uterus and bladder. He said it was in the top 20 worst cases he's ever had...I still say I should get some kind of award for that!
He got as much as he could during surgery but it was impossible to get it all, so I'll be starting six months of aggressive treatment. This will consist of monthly injections, which basically puts me in a pre-menopausal state, including hot flashes and mood swings. So if you see me in the next six months, watch out! For those who know me, you know being hot and moody is a terrible combination, ha. After six months of treatment, I'll have another surgery, then we'll continue to work on treating this. It's incurable, so it's something I'll have to pay attention to for years to come. It also means I will probably not be able to have children naturally but possibly through IVF.
The reason I want to share is because I want to declare how good, majestic and might my God is. I don't doubt there will be hard days, moments where I'll fall apart emotionally or wonder what my future family will look like. But what I know is that God knows the desires of my heart, and I have confidence that He is going to fulfill them — it may just look different than I expected. I also know that God is bigger than this! He's bigger than our problems, the mountains in our way, the diagnosis from doctors and our unknown future. I was reading in Luke 1 yesterday about how God opened up Elizabeth's womb when she was old and barren and how He sent an angel to Mary to tell her that as a virgin she would carry the salvation of the world and give birth to our Savior.
That's our God.
"'For nothing will be impossible with God.'” And Mary said, 'Behold, I am the servant of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word.'” Luke 1 37 & 38
I am continuing to pray for the kind of faith that boldly says nothing is impossible with God and for me to live according to what He wants.
So over the next few months, I am going to use this as a way to talk about what's going on in my life, what God is teaching and showing me and what is inspiring me. God has given me so many reminders of His goodness through His Word, through songs and through prayer. I can't even begin to express the goodness He has been poured out on me. I constantly have friends encouraging me and praying for me and with me. It's absolutely incredible and humbling.
I am not in a place where I am asking God "why?" because I know He has a plan for my life. He hasn't been surprised by any of this, and I know He walks with me through it all. I know this is a time for pruning and refining, and I pray I will be teachable during this time.
Thanks for letting me share. I look forward to seeing how God is going to move and hope you enjoy walking with me.