Sorry it’s been a while since I updated. I am finally starting to feel back to normal, which is a huge blessing. The surgery went well, they removed the left ovary and the doctor said it didn’t look like the disease had grown more elsewhere — praise the Lord! The idea of a hysterectomy has been taken off the table at this point, and I am very thankful. I will continue to finish out my treatment, have another surgery in March to remove any additional disease spots, and then continue to manage the disease with medication. I am so thankful and this news was an answer to prayers.
It’s been almost six weeks since I had surgery, and I have to admit, until the last couple of weeks, I hadn’t felt any better. It’s hard to have gone through surgery but still not feel much relief and be in chronic pain. I am continuing to see a specialist to help diagnose where else this pain may be coming from and seeing a physical therapist. Because of the trauma my muscles have been in from surgeries and from the stress of having been in constant pain for months, my muscles are constantly clenched. This has been causing a lot of pain in my hips and back, but we are working on things to help, for which I am thankful. But I can’t say praise the Lord enough — in the good and bad days!
God has been so good through this — even in my doubt. It’s funny because I don’t feel like I struggle as much with trusting God in the big things like my future and His plan for my life. But I struggle with trusting Him in the day-to-day, like how I am going to pay medical bills, buy Christmas gifts or pay for another surgery. For a few months, there were specific things I had been asking God for: a roommate, someone to talk to who has been through this and for provision. And you know what? In two weeks, He answered them all. These were specific prayers that I had been praying for, and honestly having a hard time with why He hadn’t answered them, but He did — He is so good!
God has put people in my life to bless me. I spoke with a woman who has been through this, for years, and has gone through multiple surgeries and the medication and the whole thing. It was such a blessing to sit with someone who can say, "I understand what you are going through." God has also blessed me hugely through people in my church and through friends. He prompted them to give and through the giving and generosity of others, I was able to pay three medical bills! That is such a huge blessing and beyond anything I could fathom. God also brought me a roommate at the perfect time to help with additional cost as well. Shout out to Millie! She's is awesome, and I love having her living with me.
Through December, we have been going through a series at church called "Miracle." God did a miracle that first Christmas with the birth of Jesus, and He continues to do miracles around us every day. He gives us hope, purpose, forgiveness and joy. It's been really neat to see how our church has asked people what the miracle they need is and then pray for them. It's important to see the miracle needs around us and also see how God is doing miracles every day. (You can learn more about Miracle here and you can listen/watch the sermons here.) I have seen miracles take place in my life — He's given me peace through trial and provided specific needs. He does miracles!
God continues to remind me of His goodness. I was worried about all of these things. Why I worry about those things I don’t know. God has always provided what I need. I can look back at specific moments like that in my past where He has done the same things and answered my prayers. I think a big part of it is because He is teaching me to completely trust and rely on Him. And in those moments when He answers those prayers and provides in ways I could have never imagined, it’s like He is saying, “I am here. I am taking care of you. You are mine and I love you.”
I know better too. I know not to worry because God loves me so much and cares about the details of my life.
"Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." Matthew 6:25–34
God is so aware of the details of our lives, and He cares about them. Whatever you may be going through, I pray you will hold to that promise and know that He cares for you. God loves you.