There are a lot of questions about what my future family will look like? Who will I marry? How will we have children? Especially right now.
If you’ve kept up with my blog at all, you know I have been going through a lot of female issues (sorry guys). Well there has been yet another development. Since I had surgery and even started the treatment for Stage 4 Endometriosis, I have yet to feel any relief from the pain of the disease. I felt like I had to be getting better three months into the treatment, but I wasn’t. Last week, I had reached my max of dealing with pain. It was rough. I had a sonogram done and despite the aggressive treatment I am going through, two more masses have grown back. My doctor was definitely surprised and visibly disappointed.
We came to the conclusion it was time to remove the left ovary (it’s the one that clearly hates me). My doctor is sending me to have a second opinion on Wednesday, which I am thankful to him for that, but he felt pretty sure we have done all we can do and that the ovary will have to come out. After the surgery, I will still continue to finish out my last three months of treatment. Unfortunately the endometriosis isn’t just on my left ovary, so we hope that in continuing the treatment, it will help to get rid of what’s left of it elsewhere. If the endometriosis is still there after the surgery and three months of treatment, I will have a full hysterectomy (they will remove my female organs).
So, not only did the initial diagnosis leave me with a high risk of infertility, but now I will also have one less ovary, possibly still have the endometriosis and potentially a hysterectomy. I believe God can do all things and that He is the great physician, but I also feel pretty sure my future doesn’t include me having children naturally. I say that because I am okay with that. I know it’s weird. But I feel like God has given me a peace in it. And His Word says He can do that!
“Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”Philippians 4:4-7
Trust me, my heart is to be a momma. And I do not doubt that it will happen! God knows the desires of my heart and I trust His plan.
“Delight yourself in the Lord;
And He will give you the desires of your heart.” Psalm 37:4
“’For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.’” Jeremiah 29:11
Don’t get me wrong, that doesn’t mean it is always easy. But I take comfort in knowing Him and in the promises of His Word.
God knew this day would come.
“Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
the days that were formed for me,
when as yet there was none of them.”
I know there will be tough days. There will be emotional days. There may even be moments that I won’t even feel like I can breath, but God is good. He is my strength and He is with me always.
“Behold, God is my helper;
the Lord is the upholder of my life.”Psalm 54:4
“But the Lord stood by me and strengthened me.” 2 Timothy 4:17
Thank you to all of those who have walked this journey with me, encouraged me and prayed constantly for me. I feel it! Please continue to pray. Pray for wisdom for the doctors, continued peace for me, for my future spouse because this affects him hugely, for my family as they process this with me and most of all, that God will get the glory.